Ok, I found this posted on another site and thought it was pretty funny. I guess it could be used on a bus,train or even at a cafe. though I probably wouldn’t recommend it as you’re likely to be detained and questioned for hours by authorities.

What to do if you are sitting next to an Irritating Passenger on a Plane.

1- Remove your lap top from its bag
2- Open the laptop slowly and carefully
3- Turn on
4- Ensure the passenger next to you is watching
5- Turn on the Internet
6- Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer
7- Take a deep breath and open this site
Click here for Info
8-Observe the facial expression of your neighbouring passenger

Ok, This made me laugh. It may offend some aussies, but then as a kiwi girl. I have no problem with that.

There was a Kiwi bloke on earth doing the Haka. Somewhere in space, Aliens were watching this unusual dance. “Ka-mate, ka-mate, ka-ora, ka-ora..” The Aliens were very interested and they wanted to see what would happen if they took a part of his brain away without him knowing. So with their alien technology they sent a laser beam down that hit the Kiwi’s head and took a part of his brain away. The Aliens then sat back to see what would happen. “Ka-mate, ka-mate, ka-ora, ka-ora..” What the??? The Aliens were amazed at what they saw. The Kiwi guy could operate with less than a full brain. So they decided to send the beam down and take another part of his brain. The Aliens watched on. “Ka-mate, ka-mate, ka-ora, ka-ora..”

“WHAT!!” the Aliens said to each other.”These Kiwis are very clever people even with half a brain. Let’s see what happens if we take the rest away and leave him with no brain at all!” So with a push of a button the Aliens sent the beam down and took away the final part of the Kiwi’s brain. “Now surely he won’t know anything at all. He should be too dumb and stupid to do anything now?”And sure enough, with no brain and no knowledge of anything at all the Aliens watched on as the bloke sang “WALTZING MATILDA, WALTZING MATILDA..”

Found this on another website. We got a chuckle out of it so thought I’d post it here.

Newspaper Headlines – 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.